The sleeping dragon is waking up! Although bullying at work has always existed, community awareness, media interest, inept management practices and victim injuries are encouraging this dragon to roar. The results are reflected in huge payouts, media outings and the high costs of poor productivity and employee disengagement within organisations.
Two of the key harmful factors are lack of awareness for targets and lack of validation by managers. They are sustained by the myths that create and sustain workplace bullying. Here are some samples....
1. Bullies are bad
Most personalities are neither black or white, most are shades of grey. For example, some people are mean and nasty in business, but give huge financial donations to charity. Many good people hurt others without realising it, such as the missionaries who brought disease to native populations, or senior executives who exclude women from equal jobs and salaries.
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Most managers and work colleagues do not realise that they are bullying you or others, and you may be able to use a variety of strategies to resolve this stressful relationship — for example, organise a time when you can chat about your feelings about their inappropriate behaviour, and collaborate to find a reasonable solution, or find out what you do to threaten or aggravate them; alternatively, reframe the problem as theirs and just do your job properly, while remaining neutral and detached.
2. Both genders are the same
Remember that men and women deal with bullying differently: boys support their boy's club, regardless of ethics and evidence, while women can be 'frenemies' who are 'nice' to your face, then bitch behind your back and betray your previous friendship. Men often regard work as a hunting game and socialise in large packs. They challenge you openly or explode privately and say 'That's business' and then press their reset button (seeBully Blocking at Work; Field, 2010).
Women are gatherers, accustomed to sharing and working together in small groups. They chat and gossip to build connections in an intense manner. Women are more sensitive, thus they relive, review, recall and remember. They suffer for longer and are more traumatised when bullied.
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Understand that your gender will affect how you manage the bullying and cope with your injuries.
3. Reality check
Being bullied is a mind-blowing experience, catapulting you into foreign territory. Don't be clouded by your thoughts, beliefs and previous experiences, which can create a false picture. You need to prove your perceptions: Does the bully really want to hurt you or are they unaware of your distress? Are you exacerbating the bullying in some way, such as remaining in hostile territory, overreacting, becoming paralysed or threatening them in some manner?
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Most bullies are insecure, many are incompetent, all have limited people skills and all are badly managed, but they can improve their relationships with mentoring. You need to investigate all available options and find more appropriate relating skills and strategies to manage the bullying (Crawshaw, 2000).
4. I'm not responsible
Many targets believe that as they did nothing to cause the bullying, it is not their responsibility to take any action. This is like saying, 'Although I broke my hip when I slipped on the banana peel in the corridor at work, the person who dropped it needs treatment!'
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Although you may not be responsible for the bullying, you are responsible for your health and wellbeing. Regardless of whether you were involved directly or indirectly with bullying, you may have been injured and could need to take assertive action to protect and heal yourself, as others can't always help you. After all, your health and wellbeing is at risk of serious injury and you need to reduce any toxic impact where possible.
5. I don't need to take action
Sometimes disaster strikes without warning and there is nothing you can do to prevent it. At other times, although there are immediate, recognisable signs of doubt, disbelief or danger, it builds up slowly over a long period of time. Those employees who identify the bullying and take the best action at the time tend to be less affected.
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Regardless of whether or not you followed your gut instinct and taken action is history. Now you need to activate your survival instinct and employ every means at your disposal to protect yourself from future harm. This 'attitude switch-shift' can save you from further injury.
Remaining in a bullying workplace is like swimming in shark-infested waters. Taking action is recognition that your wellbeing, family and friends are more important than this job; not an admission of defeat or a sign of failure. Regard your future exit as a carefully planned military withdrawal, whenever it may occur. Then, although you may be physically and intellectually employed, you can switch off emotionally. Your commitment and attachments will change and you will be less entangled by the manipulative games other people play.
6. I can manage alone
Like the traumatised child in a foetal position, shame, humiliation and powerlessness forces many victims of workplace bullying to curl up in bed or to seek shelter within the walls of their home, far from reality.
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You need regular support from friends at work, your family and personal friends, your chosen health professionals and others to cope and recover. You cannot do it alone.
7. Justice is possible
Like a child, the average adult knows when they are doing something wrong, such as making mistakes, sabotaging teamwork, or being dogmatic, and understand the requirement for consequences. Similarly, they don't realise that when they stand up for their rights, they may exacerbate the bullying games. Thus, when an employee is unfairly mismanaged or bullied, they want an apology or validation as vindication for unfair treatment. When this fails, they seek justice or retribution to prove that they are innocent and did nothing wrong. Most targets believe that financial compensation, no matter how meagre, will justify years of legal action, financial sacrifices and physical and emotional suffering.
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First, common law, equal opportunity and unfair dismissal-type claims to prove your employer's negligence can be very costly and the medico-legal processes may further diminish your psychological wellbeing. Second, a case can take years to get to court. In the meantime it can be extremely difficult to rebuild your life and move on; in other words, you are stuck in time and space. Third, even a million dollar payment obtained via legal proceedings will never compensate for your loss of health and wellbeing. Fourth, if you believe that payouts punish and change organisational cultures, you are wrong, unless it is a very expensive payout linked with heavy negative publicity! So if you take this path remember that justice seldom materialises.
The best solution is to accept that 'shit happens' and move on as soon as possible and resume your life. You may need some healing, and to find new directions and other people or actions to validate you. You need to forgive yourself for being in the wrong place at the wrong time and injured by a toxic workplace. Don't wait for real justice, you will never find it!
However, if there is no other choice, such as when bullying jeopardises your career, then weigh up your options. You can aim for some financial compensation, to exonerate your name and find closure. You can also take some comfort from the fact that bullies don't always get away with it — their health and wellbeing can suffer and they are often forced to leave when they become too expensive to protect. In addition, the knowledge that when your employer is finally made more accountable for your distress, they will be forced make some changes to avoid future payouts, faulty management practices and heavy insurance premiums and this will offer additional validation.
8. It's my way or the highway
You may feel that you have done everything correctly and not done anything wrongly. However, you may be unaware of the times you made others feel incompetent, or jealous, or spoke in an angry tone, or wiggled your finger as though admonishing them.
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There are two sides to every story. Although some employees need to manage a sociopath, most bullies don't mean to abuse you and according to British psychologist Noreen Tehrani (2001) it is hard to separate bullies and targets as they can switch roles, each blaming the other! Some claim that you don't try to socialise, display interest in others or blend in, or that you overreact, or rock the boat over minor or impossible issues. Whatever is occurring, try to find out their version, and what they think and feel about what is happening between you both.
Finally, like cyber bullying to schools, the dragon of workplace bullying must be confronted.
About the author
There are many options for organisations and employees dealing with bullying in Evelyn M Field's books in part 1, Bully Blocking at Work (2010) and part 2, Strategies for surviving bullying at work. (2011).
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